Jonesing..

I was reading in another blog how her husband is now unemployed but how they are not worried. They have nothing to begin with: no house (they rent), no investments, no new cars, no eating out. This really got me reflecting on my own life.

We are building a new home. One that fits us. You can only squeeze in a family of 6 into 1300sf for so long. Our new home is not ginormous by any means but it will accomodate us and fit our needs. Being that everything is going to be "new" I have been wanting everything that will go into the house to be "new" as well. Now how greedy is that? I have even been tempted to go back into debt (we finally got out of the bondage of debt after 15 years) just to satisfy my greedy, earthly craving for a new sectional and other new must-haves.

Do I really NEED these things? Uh...NO. I have recognized my greed and recognized I am acting like a spoiled brat. I mean my husband has been building my house for over a year and a half and now that we are close to being done I slap him in the face with a "what do you mean we can't afford xyz? I can't have my open house without new stuff. Our old stuff will make our new home look awful!" What a jerk I have been!!!

Thankfully I have had a few people in my life put me where I need to be ie: humble yourself girl and realize just how LUCKY I am that I am getting this beautiful family home. I don't need to decorate it overnight. I'll be there for the rest of my life. And furthermore why the need for greed?

I'll tell you why...I have been Jonesing. I have been going into friend's homes that have the new leather sofas, the new suv in the drive way(and yes I had been vying for a new car to go with the new home...can I barf now?), the new techno gadgets, etc. I go into their homes and think wow I would love that but you know what? The more I ask and the more time I spend there do I realize that yes they have all this stuff but they are also in debt up to their eyeballs! When they find out I don't have cc debt they think I am the lucky one! How ironic is that. All along I have been fantasizing on how lucky they are, to have what they have, when in reality I am the one truly lucky and do feel blessed.

I'm just glad I realized all this before it was too late. Last night hubbie asked me if the credit cards were still doing promotions where you get interest free financing for a year. I said yes and why? He in then turns to say we should go get that card and buy what I was wanting and just pay it off before interest sets in. He was trying to PLEASE me. I felt so bad. He must have been thinking about this a lot. I told him No thanks. What we have still works and until we can save up and afford something outright we will make do with what we have and appreciate what we have. I don't want to be under that bondage of debt again. Its not worth the new washer and dryer and sectional sofa. Its not worth the late night fights over how we are going to buy groceries and pay the bills.

It just makes me sick how greedy and spoiled I have been. I mean there are people losing their jobs right and left. People are losing their homes. People are sick and don't have health care. Who freakin' cares about the new suv and the leather couch. I 'm so glad to have shaken myself up and realize that what matters is the "heart" of the home and the "heart" ain't the newest gadget to show off. The "heart" is in those that live there and their willingness and desire to share our lives together.