7th Heaven

Not sure I should be watching this show anymore. Reruns air daily on the hallmark channel and may I say each time I watch my ovaries get a tingle. (Don't even let me tell you how watching one of my fav. movies: Yours, Mine, Ours makes me feel. I love that movie!!) I swear I was done having kids till I rediscovered this show again. I already have 4 awesome, healthy, well adjusted kids. Isn't my desire to have more just being greedy at that point?

I think my desire to have a large family stems from my upbringing. I have 3 siblings but they are all much older than me. My brother is 10 years older, my sister is 11 years older, and my other sister is 12 years older. So basically I was raised an only child and spent A LOT of time alone. I was so lonely...I think that is why having a lot of kids does not bother me much because I love the constant comings and goings and noise even if it does drive me crazy. It just feels like life to me and I love it! Now that my oldest is 14 already I realize just how fast time goes and how sad an empty nest would feel.

I really thought I was done. I went in recently for my annual exam only to discover that I suffer from endometriosis and adenomyosis. Both problems would make it difficult for me to get pregnant and maintain a pregnancy. I decided at that time I was done making babies and was going to enjoy the 4 I have now to the fullest. Well now that Paloma is 3 I see babyhood leaving fast. I can't see her as a baby anymore. A part of me aches feeling that. Even hubbie is sad at the thought of no more babies. But given my health status I just don't think it would be fair to any one of us to take on another pregnancy and baby.
However this is where my faith comes into play. I know from my own personal testimony that God plays a role and if He so wants us to bring another life into this world His work will be done. I have comfort knowing that ultimately its not my choice to be had. It is His. I just pray that whatever His will is that I will have comfort in my heart knowing what is truly best for my family.