I'm Back....

Finally, I'm back. After much hackling from *artist* I am finally back and blogging. Why have I been gone so long?? I have been SICK. I'm talking as my friend Kelly puts it, death on a cracker sick. I have never been so sick. I ended up being diagnosed with bronchitis in the beginning stage of pneumonia and on top of that ended up catching a head cold that I am still nursing now. yeah no good. So after antibiotics I am finally turning the corner minus my head cold and hopefully can return to my normal duties.

One weird thing that happened while being sick for a month was a lesson I learned. By no choice of mine I had to slow down. I have had no energy for anything...no energy to run around with my head cut off...no energy to make boundless lists of things I would stress about to get done...no energy to worry. That is the big one for me. I am a worry wart by nature. I'm an eeyore married to a pooh. However after being sick I have learned that my house is not going to fall apart if its not properly cleaned for a month (it is still standing...). I have learned that I do not have to cross off every thing on my list in order to have a successful day. I have learned that I can still accomplish a lot without running like a chicken with its head cut off. I have learned what sitting outside on my porch chair and petting the alley cat that has adopted us feels like. It feels good.

It feels good to slow down. To sit outside and not be mentally thinking about my lists but instead just enjoying being outside. Feeling the sun warm my skin, petting the soft fur of our adopted alley cat while she sits on my lap, listening to the kids run around, laugh, scream while playing with the water hose...yep those are good times.

Funny how an illness like death on a cracker could slow me down to reawaken me to living more slowly, more purposely, more fulfilled. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an eeyore (wait for my post on swine flu) but I must say now that I am recovering I am so thankful for my body which is healing itself, my family whom I have rediscovered, and the realization that you can take life slow and still succeed. What a revelation indeed.

Women equating illness

Oh boy are my feathers in a ruffle today...I read in my newspaper today this big spread on PMDD otherwise known as PMS times 100. Mind you this disorder only affects 3-8% of women yet they talk about it like every woman suffers from it. Now I'm not saying that this not true and unheard of..I'm sure there are some women who do suffer with this and for that I am sorry but why give so much publicity to something that only affects such a small population. For instance, I'm sure you have seen the birth control commercials touting their pill as the cure all for PMDD. We watch this group of women talk about their "symptoms" and how once they started taking their birth control pill they magically felt better..oh but at the end they do give a long list of hurriedly said complications that can occur from said pill such as blood clots, heart attack, etc. No thanks.

Why isn't more publicity being thrown at women's cancer and heart disease. Now that is something to be worried about and concerned over. Why they don't? I believe pharmaceutical companies are at play. I mean there is no "cure all" pill for heart disease. There is no "cure all" pill for cancer. These illnesses require a multifaceted approach to treatment which honestly does not make the drug companies money like this "pill" can.

It makes me wonder though how our society makes women feel like we are walking "illnesses". Why must we box women in? Why must we label women as having this, that, and the other and they must take this magic pill or potion to conquer this, that, and the other.

Out of the mouths of babes

Can I not listen to the radio anymore? I mean seriously does every song have to have some kind of bad language in it? I'm not even listening to anything hard core just Top 40 bubble gum pop stations. Uugh.

My kindie told me yesterday as we are in the car driving, "Mom, he said that a** word!" My heavens indeed it was sung on the song! How many times did I miss it because I am so caught up in my mind thinking while driving that I am hardly paying attention to the lyrics. Oy vey. So like a good mom I quickly turned the station to some praise music.

Oh how I wish i had a way to connect my ipod to the car radion I would be one happy camper! I love alternative/folkish kinda music...stuff that is more acoustic and less harmonized like the bubble gum pop.

Looks like we will be listening to a little bit more praise and worship music and some more NPR than those Top 40 stations.

Feeling yucky

I'm having a day of pain. I have endometriosis so every month when Aunt Flo visits I end up house ridden for 4 days. The pain just gets the best of me every month. I usually end up in tears in the middle of the night asking hubbie to take me to the ER it gets that bad but my brain tells me to bear it out and eventually I fall asleep. I pop Advil like kids do candy during these times...been to the doctor many of them and they all say the same diagnosis with the cure being a hysterectomy. Well at 34 that is NOT an option right now so I grin and bear it.

Then as if that is not enough I have developed a sore tongue. It has happened before and I had gone to docs before to see what it was and they never know...it always eventually clears up but usually takes awhile and hurts a lot. I ended up googling sore tongue with my symptoms and have diagnosed myself! Burned tongue syndrome. Yep that is what I have for sure. Its exactly what i feel yet as the other docs have said no treatment available...just time for it to heal..

So it leaves me frustrated. Not only I have pain below but pain above and it makes it hard to talk and wouldn't you know I have the most talkative kids ever!!! Is it bed time yet? lol

My husband called me out on my complaints today...He laughed saying I always find something to complain about despite all the good that is happening right now. Doh! Man stab me with a fork of Truth why doesn't he? I really do that though and hate that. I swear he is the Pooh and I'm forever Eeyore. I try so hard to get past my Eeyore ways and when things are good i really am able to reach that Pooh feeling but man when I get hit with pain I fall back to my eeyore self and i"m not proud one bit.

I'm having a hard time being that cheerful wife, happy mother, keep my house together, and cook a fresh meal kinda girl. I have been fixated on my painful state of being at the moment and have thus been frozen like a shrew. Why do I let my physical problems get in my way? Why do I let my feelings control me? Why can't I get past that and focus on the good rather than spending hours at a time on webmd and google diagnosing myself with xyz. Even my own docs have told me to step away from the computer lol.

I'm hoping that within a couple of days I will get over these yucky feelings and get back to myself or at least the self that my husband and family deserves.

Menu Monday

Here is what we're eating this week.

Monday: leftovers from yesterday dinner (pasta, bread, salad)

Tuesday: taco tuesday

Wednesday: coca cola roast served soft taco style, beans

Thursday: take out pizza (daughter has soccer practice and gets out late)

Friday: fish, rice

Saturday: hmmm...don't know yet?

My scale lies!

Go ahead and just agree with me and tell me it does..please..for my sanity's sake ok. I mean really how could I have gained 5 pounds over the course of a month? Is that even doable? And how did that happen. I mean I know my pants were getting a bit snug but doesn't the dryer do that when you dry the clothes in there? I know I've been suffering with a bit of heartburn but doesn't that happen when you eat a whole bag of chips?

How can it be that *artist* will say how pretty I look and then I say, "hurry grab the camera and take a pic cause I never look pretty" and she grabs the camera and takes a pic and oh my! the horror of all horrors! I'm fat! I mean I got a belly pudge and my booty has a back ledge you could lay a drink on. I mean seriously how can 5 pounds do all that? Oh right! I'm 5'2 which means one pound can look like ten so at this point I look way overweight and hate it!!!

You would think after seeing the horror of all horrors I would jump on the diet wagon but no..I am stress eating to no avail. I can't stop myself. I am starving. My cortisone hormones from stress are working overtime making me HUNGRY!

I keep telling myself once we get moved into the new house and get settled THEN I can diet. But why is it that I always tell myself "once i get this...or once I do this...then I can this..." I mean why do I wait for that perfect time. You would think by this point in my life I would have learned that there will never be a perfect time for anything. That the time for anything is now. Why do I wait instead? It frustrates me to no end yet I have been this way my whole life. Change is hard for me. I don't like it. It's uncomfortable. Yet change is when I have found my most extreme growth. So why do I fight change?

Hot? Cold? Snow?

Snow? Seriously? A blizzard warning? Yep its all true. Welcome to the South folks. Yesterday I was in capris and flips pushing my lil one on the swings at the park with my shades on and today i wake up to a blizzard warning and snow on the ground! This is the very reason why people in the South cannot box up their clothes into seasons. No...we have to keep all of our clothes all seasons out in the closet for times like this.

But honestly I'm enjoying it. I got to relish in the sun yesterday and am now relishing in a gloomy cold day at home. Other than picking up and dropping off kids at various locations and times I get to enjoy this day here at home. I only wished I could get a pot of chili on the stove. But its Lent and today is Friday so its tuna sammies and apples for dinner tonight. Maybe I'll have a hot cup of tomato soup and a grilled cheese for lunch. Surely that will satisfy my tummy and warm me up a bit.

Off to stare out the window and watch the snow fall..I'm cherishing this as surely this will be our last snowfall right? Only in the South...