I'm fine...No really I am...

Why do we do this? We go out into the world with smiles on our faces acting like everything is fine in our lives when in reality we are crumbling and need someone to lift us up. Or is it just me? Am I the ONLY one out there willing to admit that behind my smile everything is not always fine?

Really all we are doing is hurting each other by not opening up. I have learned so much from other people going through hard times. I have gleaned strength and inspiration through others sharing their stories and trials. Why do we keep being a blessing to each other from each other.

Case in point: my bff and my few close friends do know the REAL me. They can tell in my voice or see in my face when its been "one of those days" and you know what...instead of looking down on me or being surprised I could have a bad day, they offer to bring dinner or offer to listen to me vent into the phone for an hour until I feel better. Yes those are my friends.

This in stark contrast to the numerous amount of acquaintances I have formed. I mean I have 3 kids in school with a youngen at home and believe me I have many I see and talk to on a daily basis and chit chat with in the halls and carpool lanes. I have to admit these are the ones I put my own "smile" on for. I try not to let them see the loneliness I sometimes feel when they all get together for drinks and I can't cause I have a youngen at home. I try not to let them see how bad I feel when they plan their next get together and I'm not invited. Why would I be? I'm hardly available to go and when I do I can only go for a short time because I do have a van full of kids to pick up and drop off. For me that is where my "smile" comes in. It hides the loneliness I feel. But in reality do I really have the time for friendships and daily playdates? I'm not sure. I mean any person looking at my schedule marvels at how I do it. I have 3 kids in three different schools with 3 different pick up drop off times plus sports. And yes I do it all on my own. Hubbie is too busy working a day job and running his own business and building our home.

Makes me wonder if anyone else feels the same way? My one saving grace is internet. How nice it is to connect with others and I can do it on my time. woo-hoo. I used to think how could you form real friends on the net. But boy have I learned you can...I have felt the prayers lifted for me in times of need. I have received packages from these women I have grown to love. I do consider them my bffs as well. They know me. They "get" me. and I don't have to put a "smile" on for them.