Not kid friendly?

"Mom, our house is not kid friendly like you said it was gonna be." Alejandro said this. Did you just feel my heart sink? My heart is still broken over him saying this. And mind you this was 2 weeks ago and it still has stuck with me like crazy glue.

When we lived in our other (too small for us, it's the size of a shoe box) home I would always tell the kids how our new home would be so kid friendly. How I wouldn't have all the "rules" I had used for the old home. How I wouldn't be so anti-shoes in the house. How I would be more open to kid mess and kid clutter. How I would no longer worry about the kids playing around the house for fear of them breaking something (they did. they broke a pottery vase that I loved that hubbie got for me at the flea market.) How I would make our new home a reflection on everyone who lived there. How I would make our new home "cool" to us.

From Alejandro's remark I guess I missed the point somewhere. I'm not sure where but I "get" what he is saying. I feel it in my heart. Its funny I was just reorganizing some stuff in the garage to be put up in the attic and I came across some "things" that I had bought for our new home. Some of it was kitchy, vintagey, yummy goodness. I asked myself why am I boxing it up and storing it in the attic? Why am I boxing up my dreams of creating a creative home where kids come first and decorating rules do not exist. Where a pile of leftover homework and a play-doh creation on the table is considered a lived in look rather than what I see it now as clutter.

It's strange. I think sometimes I wait to live the life I want. I wait for that right moment that never seems to come. Wait for what? I'm not sure. It really scares me sometimes though. Sometimes I feel like it takes something really major for me to make a move. To make a change. To do something different. I guess I fear others' opinions. I fear going against the grain. What if someone comes over and doesn't like that I painted my laundry room raspberry pink? What if someone comes over and finds an artist easel in front of the living room window and thinks its messy? Why do I even care? I don't know. I wish I knew. I mean truly I am the one living here. WE are the ones living here. No one else. So what if I like twinkle lights on and its not December? So what if there are kid creations taped all over the door for all to see as they leave our home? so what?

Maybe its because I'm a Libra? I'm constantly trying to balance the scales. I desire to be surrounded by beauty and order. I am attracted to rich, luxe style. I love the look of model homes. I love the look of homes in Dwell magazine. But honestly is that the way to live with kids? Do I want my kids to remember their childhood full of rules of don't do that in the house and don't touch that or it will break. Where is the line from living in a museum of stuff to really living? I'm not sure yet.

I have to admit I love the "Wow!" factor and I get it quite a bit in the new home. I love showing it to visitors and explaining what all we did. But I have to admit it does feel a bit "showey" and less kid friendly. It doesn't quite have that "Coffee haus, I wanna chill on the couch drinking hot chai or coffee and do nothing" vibe. It doesn't quite have that "I have 4 kids living here look" that I really want it to have.

My niece did make me feel really good though about my home. She came from out of town over Christmas and I showed her around my "palace". She loved it. Her and my sister loved it. I have fleur di lis (that I love so much) painted into my stained concrete floors. I also have fleur di lis here and there and everywhere. My niece loves fleur di lis as much as I do. That was fun. She hugged me and upon leaving she said, "I really like your home. It's modern, yet Louisiana style, but still homey, comfy." That felt really good. At least it felt homey and comfy to her. That is truly how I want it to feel. Homey. Comfy. Yummy.

I think I'm missing the Yummy part. Those little details that change a whole room. Those twinkle lights. Those funky frames. Painted walls.

When we built our home I really went with a neutral palette knowing that after living here for a bit I would be painting and changing the colors. Its always easier to paint over a light neutral taupe than it is painting over a dark color. I wanted to live here awhile and let my walls speak to me. I wanted them to tell me what color they wanted to be painted. I'm slowly listening...now just to get hubbie on board lol. I can already hear him now, "As long as you are painting it go ahead..and if you hate it you have to repaint it yourself." Ugh. Did I tell you how much I hate painting. I mean really hate painting. I practically painted every room in my old home myself. Hubbie helped but some of the rooms were done while he was working or out of town. I seriously hate all the mess that comes with painting: drop cloths, tape, dried out brushes, paint buckets, paint, the smell. All of it.

Maybe I can avoid painting for a bit and find other ways to create that vibe? Maybe I should do a search on apartment therapy ha! They have some way cool spaces there. I always am especially attracted to the kitchens as I spend some much time in mine.

Lots to think about and sift through. Things to ponder like: why do others' opinions matter so much? why am I afraid to just take a leap out of the box? why am I afraid of trying new things out? It's my home. what am I afraid of?